I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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