party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
