i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
