You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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