I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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