Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
