Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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