Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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