Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize
