in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you traded sex for a burrito?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
