I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
