I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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