I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
