You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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