I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bring me that man meat
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize