yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
