I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
