I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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