I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
