So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
