I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
