I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My life is pants optional.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
