We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
