Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
