if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
