Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
