That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
