So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize