I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
