My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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