so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
