I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
