I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
