I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
