I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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