I wish my penis had an off switch
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
