why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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