Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
