I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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