i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
