Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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