He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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