i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
