did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
