So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
