I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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