So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
