If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
