We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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