Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
