Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Say something about gay babies.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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