my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
