She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
