The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
