So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
