So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
