theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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