I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
