my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Semen is not good for contacts.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
