The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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