Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
